Do you remember I told you that air is my element? Well, water is too. No matter how calm I appeared on the outside, inside me there was always a whirlwind of emotions, emotions I couldn’t control very well in my younger years.
As my thoughts raced and tumbled like a female version of Keanu Reeves- Neo, dodging bullets of information and seeing the code in everything, my emotions were like Juliette Lewis on screen, raw, untamed energy that knew no boundaries, because water, by its nature, recognizes no limits unless it builds them itself.
It took me years to learn. First, just to listen, because my responses would leap out before the other person had even finished their thought.
And then, when something triggered me, a word, a situation, and I felt myself heading toward an explosion capable of causing nuclear level damage, that feeling carried the greatest consequences for me. And then that moment when my brain learned to say: “Stop, wait, don’t react, you can handle this…” My goodness, the first sense of pride in myself when I managed to control my reactions in a volatile situation - oh, how happy I was! I appeared calm on the outside, but inside, it was chaos. The person who caused it wouldn’t have known what was happening inside me.
I learned that words, when unleashed in moments of anger, rage, or lack of control, all stemming from some personal wound you carry, cut like a blade, leaving deep scars. No matter how angry I was, hurting someone was never my intention.
Today, such explosive reactions happen very rarely because I’ve learned, and age brings its own lessons. I just tell myself: “Tomorrow is a new day, let’s sleep on it.” And if it happens, it’s never like the explosions of my youth. Honestly, this is something I’m very proud of.
We can change, but first we must admit to ourselves that a problem exists. Then we can work on ourselves, everything can be learned, including self-control in such situations. And if only I could teach myself not to take that last piece of cake, oh, where would I end up! My pants would thank me, instead of me trying to convince myself they just shrank a little in the wash.
In my youth, my emotions were a problem at work, and people often associated my outbursts with my temperament. We Southerners, no matter where in the world, have that dynamic spark within us…
Of course, it wasn’t just verbal communication that was challenging, written communication was a considerable challenge too. With such emails, I always had a little ritual in my head: I would write a reply but never send it; instead, I'd imagine burning it while performing a shamanic rain dance around the fire, calling for the clouds, it always made me laugh and relax.
Today, when I see such emails, I just skip them; I don’t even read them fully because they aren’t worth my time or energy. Luckily, they are rare, and most of the time I’m only in CC, so I have to play psychologist with the team. And somehow, I’m glad I was like that, because today I can understand what’s really happening with people when conflicts arise. I know there’s always something deeper behind it all.
Too much water within us is never good, but too little is not either, because without feeling, we cannot understand what is happening in ourselves and in others, what drives them.
For me, there is never too little, I always have it in abundance, I just release it from time to time. Tears are my perfect outlet, especially in ads for toilet appliances with cute cats. Even today, so many things can make me cry. And even laughter. That kind of water is my favorite.
#EmotionalIntelligence #TheShapeOfWater #PersonalGrowth #InnerStructure #Leadership #SouthernSpark #HumanComplexity #JulietteLewis #KeanuReeves